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Learn to Love Again

Dealing with Infidelity/cheating

Being unfaithful to your partner is more than breaking a promise about sexual exclusivity. It’s about breaking trust. Investigating the reasons behind you or your partner’s infidelity can help you heal and rebuild your relationship.

We did not evolve from monogamy. Sex between Stone Age partners was common as women bartered for favours and men reproduced with multiple partners to spread their genes. It wasn’t until the 19th century that love became the primary reason for marriage and partnerships became a lifetime commitment.

But blaming infidelity/cheating on human history or making excuses isn’t okay if we’re in a relationship where monogamy is expected. Today, sex in a partnership is a symbol of love and commitment. To be cheated on by your partner can feel like a devastating deception, while cheating on your partner will lead to their contempt if they find out (and could be a huge burden of guilt if they don’t). In either case, getting over infidelity/cheating is a challenge and, for some, near impossible.

The wrong way to handle it is to suppress your emotions and continue to cheat, or to blow up at your cheating partner. The right way to handle infidelity/cheating is to engage professional help and work through your feelings of guilt or betrayal and define what type of relationship you want with your partner.

90%

90 percent of Americans believe that infidelity is unacceptable.

– Psychology Today

20% – 40%

20 to 40 percent of heterosexual married men will have an extramarital affair during their lifetime.

– Ideas.Ted.Com

56%

56 percent of men engaged in adultery said their marriage was “happy” or “very happy.”

– Ideas.Ted.Com

60%

60 percent of men have admitted to “mate poaching” where they tried to lure a person away from a committed relationship to be with them instead.

– Ideas.Ted.Com

The Stress of Infidelity

Whether you’re the cheater or cheated, infidelity is stressful. Regardless of whether you’re lying to your spouse or you’re dealing with betrayal, the stress you’re feeling can cause anxiety, depression, or grief, which in turn can negatively impact your physical and mental wellbeing in a number of ways:

  • Tired but can’t sleep
  • Recurring headaches
  • Neck and lower back pain
  • Chest pains
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Skin rashes and hives
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Substance abuse
  • Violence
  • Homicidal thoughts
  • Lack of impulse control
Consistency is key

Break the stigma

You are enough

Take the next step
Don’t give up

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