Depression in men is common, yet it’s largely misunderstood and undiagnosed. Part of the problem is how we view depression as a society, and the beliefs we instill in boys and men about it: “suck it up,” “real men don’t/can’t cry,” and “talking about emotions is a sign of weakness.”

This emotional suppression leads to guys not knowing that they’re depressed. It’s hard to diagnose in men because they don’t always understand why they’re upset. They can’t concretely point to what makes them feel hopeless, or why life feels like it has no meaning. They just assume they’re sad, and that they’ll eventually get over it. But depression isn’t the same as being sad. A sad person knows what they’re sad about, like a death, a job loss, or an illness. Meanwhile, a depressed person doesn’t have an outward source to point to, because depression is guilt and anger directed inward towards themselves.

While depression might feel permanent, it can improve with treatment. There are practical tools you can implement that will help you develop insight and understand what you’re distressed about. The sooner you can diagnose it, the sooner you can get better.